The Wedding Quest

As I sit here with my 2 best boy friends, who will never let me down and always deliver on the pleasure front, I’ll explain about my wedding quest. And don’t worry, I’m not mid-orgy…. I’m settled with Ben & Jerrys….


Anyone who has followed my Twitter account for a while will know that my very best friend has booked her wedding for August 2019.


Now, whilst I have numerous duties on the day, inclusive of but not limited to, a speech, being her right hand gal and holding up her dress when she pee’s, there will be times that I too will need a little slice of a (hopefully) bearded, dark haired specimen who will be my right hand guy, make a drunken speech to me at 3am and maybe hold my dress when I pee…..


Since becoming single in January, taking some time for me and having a FWVGB for a while, I decided to enter the word of online dating once again. WHAT AN EYE OPENER. Honestly, you stray from the likes of Tinder for a year and before you know it, you’re inundated with requests to sell your knickers, send your shoes and join the cuckold gang. This is separate to the absolute Pandora’s box of messages that await a girl when she logs on for a quick scour.


I’m no prude…. I’ve had my fair share of experiences but the bare face front of some people has genuinely shocked me!


I just ignored it for a while but figured ‘why should I?’, so now, if I am in a particularly aggy mood, I’ll make it clear what my thoughts are.


Anyway, I digress……..


Back to my wedding quest. I have an amazing group of girls around me – the best I could wish for and they have beautiful families and lovely other halves. As much as I am NEVER going to settle, there are times, such as said wedding, that I kind of don’t want to be on my own? When I posted my plan to find a date, someone commented that I should be pleased to just be with my friends and why did I need a guy with me to make the day? That I should just enjoy the day and make the most of it. Come onnnnn…. it’s my BFF, of course I will be making the most of it but hand on heart, what’s wrong with wanting someone to be there for me too?


There seems to be a few views on singledom for a woman in her 30’s….. you’re either past it and likely to end up like Madame Adelaide Bonfamille (Disney reference…. if you know, you know!) or you should be some independent powerful woman that doesn’t ‘need’ a man. Now let me just set my own personal record straight…. I’m allergic to cats, so the first option is out for me… I also am a strong independent woman, driven in my career and happy in my amazing circle of friends but do you know what? I get lonely too. I miss having that person to message when I get a promotion, someone to spend Sunday’s doing nothing with and someone who orders all the food I tell myself I definitely don’t want and end up stealing anyway.


It’s not something I am ashamed of in any way whatsoever. But this also shouldn’t be viewed as me being desperate to settle down (which it is by any family member over the age of 60). Apparently I’m a lovely girl so I should really be settled by now. Alright Maud, I’ll just pull Mr 6ft Bearded Dad Bod from my closet and show the world that its oh so easy to find someone you connect with!


So, because I want someone to see how wonderful I am going to be at delivering a speech to 60 people (I can’t lie, I’ve shat myself three times already thinking about it) and clap me when no other fucker does, I am looking for a wedding date!


Now, when I say wedding date…. if I were lucky enough to meet someone in my quest and it turned into more than a one-time date in the heady summer of 2019, I wouldn’t be complaining. However, if summer 2019 is anything like the summer we are currently experiencing, all applicants must be aware there will be a large element of boob sweat, moaning about having to shave my legs and annoyance because some greedy fucker has stolen all the Solero’s in Tesco.


Applicants must also be prepared to carry shoes, keep my prosecco glass full and dance like a tit with me until they turn all the lights on and throw us out! If any applicants can offer after wedding snacks, extra points will be awarded.


I can offer an excellent package:














And that’s just on a Monday 🙂 Kidding, my best friend wrote that about me on her Twitter and I’ve stolen it! If she can’t sell me up, I’ve got no fucking hope.


So – I’ve posted on my Instagram and my Twitter and if you see my tweets – please retweet and get this girl a date!


I’ve been very lucky and had some messages and offers already – albeit some rather strange ones which I may disclose at a later date.


However, I have learnt not to put all my megs in one basket (If you watch Love Island, you’ll get the reference) and therefore this is my plea to help me out and #getbellesadate


I appreciate a beard, good humour, kindness and someone who isn’t scared to sing at the top of their lungs with their car windows wide open. People that sing and don’t give a shit are the best kind of people in my eyes 🙂


I don’t want to be the Maid of Honour with nobody to dance with at the end of the night so please share if you would like to give this 34 year old gal some support in her quest!


Next instalment: The Plymouth Electrician







2 thoughts on “The Wedding Quest

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