After being completely dickmatized by A, and exploding harder than I ever thought possible, I am currently in prime position to BLOW. HIS. MIND. My index finger has currently taken up residence in his arse and as much as I panicked about my nails being ruined, the need to take him to new heights is too overpowering. I very slowly push in deeper and he jolts slightly. I ask if he wants me to stop and he manages to muster an almost mouse like ‘no’. So, I do as I’m asked and I carry on. I push deeper until I find it. That spot. Ive got it. I know this both from touch and the fact he is whimpering with desire. God, it feels good to have this much control over him. I know I can carry on like this and it wont take long but I really do want him to experience something explosive.
I decide to slow down my finger and use my other hand on his cock (which, I simply can’t explain as anything other than magnificent – see other posts). It is just perfect. The size. The shape. The feel. And the taste…. oh my god, the taste. Think of the smell of a man – he just tastes like that – clean and delicious. It’s everything I could want and more. I start with my left hand gripped at the base and slowly build up a rhythm – imagine folding chocolate into a cake mix…. slow and repetitive. Delia Smith eat your heart out.
At the same time, I seem to be building a snail like pace with my finger. In and out, in and out. And let me just explain, if you have never had a finger inserted into your arse, you are missing out. It is EXQUISITE when done correctly. It’s like no feeling I can explain other than heaven. Its pleasure, a slight discomfort and it hits hundreds of nerves all at the same time. It’s wet and warm and tight and all of these feelings that you should experience at least once in your life. HE. IS. LOVING. THIS.
His breathing has deepend. His grasp on the bedsheets is getting tighter. He’s doing that thing with his leg again. It’s starting to shake. I know he is so close. I feel incredibly smug and I cannot wait for the prize I know will once again fill my mouth – hot, warm, salty, my prize for doing a good job. I shut my eyes and all of a sudden he tells me to stop. I immediately release my hand and withdraw my finger ever so slowly. I blink and he is very nearly crushing me – he has pushed me backwards and I am nearly hanging off of the bed. He grabs my legs pulls me with such force that I am taken aback. Where has this come from?! Before I can properly adjust to what’s going on he is on top of me. My left leg is raised by his arm which he hooks underneath my knee. His other arm is to the right of me – he is so close to my face and just staring at me. I absolutely know what is about to happen. I’m about to get fucked senseless.
He smiles at me and I can feel his cock – hard and primed, gently brushing against me. What the fuck just happened?! I was ready to blow his damn mind. Now I’m helpless. He has all the control and Jesus Christ I want him inside of me so badly. I ask him to fuck me. “Pardon?” He says. So I say it again, and I do that thing that I think most girls do. I bite my lip and stare at him. I’m not moving my gaze. I want to be looking at him when he finally enters me. He knows. He fucking knows what he is doing to me.
It’s time. Please, A, please fuck me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me fast. I want him inside me so much I’m ready to beg.It happens. Oh my, it happens. It literally takes my breath away. It’s blissful. He fills me up, slam after slam after slam. My leg is now shaking but he doesn’t let go of it. My head is hanging off the bed nearly and my eyes are shut. My left arm is around his back and my nails must be hurting him I am grasping him that tightly. My right arm is by my side, palm down and I’m stretching my fingers out because I don’t have the strength to grasp the sheets. Fucking hell it feels amazing. I open my eyes and lock with his. He releases my leg and places both hands on my hips pulling me into him. If I can get some kind of balance I can push back into him…. the sound is turning me on so much. Slamming into me, flesh on flesh and both of us heavy breathing. He looks so manly and strong. His chest hair is almost glistening in the low light…. he’s working HARD.
I beg him not to stop. He asks me if I like it. I feel so weak and helpless right now. “Please don’t stop, don’t stop” is all I can manage.
I can’t get any kind of balance. He’s fucking me so hard I look like a damn jack-in-the-box. All I can do is use my fingers to tweak my nipples. I squeeze them tight enough to cause some pain. Oh my, coupled with the feel of his cock, that is good. Very good. I lick my lips. As much as I love him being inside me I miss him being in my mouth.
By way of a miracle, he goes even harder and I know it’s nearly over. His favourite word seems to be ‘fuck’ so when he grasps my hips tightly and yells out, I know he’s reached his peak. He looks at me and smiles and collapses onto my chest.
Wow. I feel like I’ve waited so long for that, when in reality it’s only been a few months.
The rest of the night passed in a bit of a daze, hair stroking, fingertips brushing my shoulders. Despite my view of A, he’s actually quite affectionate. He knows how to make me feel ‘safe’. The feeling you get being wrapped in someone’s arms. I fit so perfectly into his nook and its a pretty nice place to be. My sleep is broken and I find that I move away from him – I think I’ve gotten used to sleeping on my own and its weird actually sleeping with him. He stirs and says “hey, come here” in a soft sleepy voice and he holds me so tight. At that moment in time my guard just dissipates. Like the remainder of soap bubbles at the end of a huge comforting bath. The guard is gone, I repeat the guard is gone.
We’re woken early by an ASOS delivery….. On a Sunday?! Come on! Ruining my bubble. When he returns he wants to go again and as much as I REALLY want to, I’ve looked better. And Hagrid’s forest hut which is now a perfectly preened vagina, is full of last nights activities… To be blunt haha!
I call my taxi and make my way home and the usual compliments come before I even walk through the door. I feel good but blaaaaaaady hell, I feel different. I sleep a while and enjoy the rest of the day.
The next few weeks pass and neither of us are free to meet up. I go away with the girls for a weekend – there is YouTube evidence of this weekend and I laughed so much my belly hurt – I don’t really give him much thought.
A few days after we return, someone else messages me. It’s enough to peak my interest. So the following Sunday I go on a date. I figure it’s not wrong to do this seeing as A and I are not exclusive. Despite my feelings, it’s nothing more than the raw, uncensored lust we both thrive on.
However before I know it, I’m in a relationship. Where the hell did this come from. It snuck up on me without me even realising and A becomes almost a distant memory.
One day, I’m sitting in a pub garden. P (my boyfriend) goes to the bar. My phone goes. It’s A. He’s on holiday. My heart lurches. I have to tell him, I can’t and won’t hide it and whatever it was with A, it can’t continue. That’s not me. I’m not that girl.
Shit, he doesn’t react well. In fact, he gets nasty. I’m sitting there wondering what’s going on. We weren’t together. It was physical only. He hid himself away so much, what did he want from me?! It doesn’t end well. He tells me he is blocking me. I almost don’t think it’s a bad thing but that night, I’m lying next to P and A is on my mind. Too much. More than I think is acceptable. I tell myself it will pass.
The next evening, I’m on the sofa with P and we’re drinking wine and listening to music. My phone goes again. Please don’t be A, please don’t be A, please don’t be A.
Fuck, it’s A. He’s home. Telling me he wants to see me. Can I come over? Christ, this is all I need. It’s not right. I’m in a relationship and he knows this. It’s also not right that I’m getting that all too familiar twinge that he can give me with just his voice. I have to stop this. I’m not doing this to another guy. I tell him to stop messaging and respect what I’ve told him. He gets angry again. Where the hell have all these emotions come from?! Are they emotions or is he throwing his toys out of the pram because he isn’t getting what he wants?! I daren’t ask for fear of the response. Again, it ends badly.
That’s the last time we talk for 9 months.
Although we don’t talk, he enters my mind at various points. Things remind me of him. I drive the road his house is on quite frequently because of my town and where everything is. I see people that look like him. I even SMELL him at one point. But I try and push it far from my mind. I don’t see him once. We live in the same town, we have been at the same bars before…. it’s like our paths to each other have been banished.
My relationship dips in that time. Come January 2018, I know it’s over. We take some time apart. I just have to find the right words to end it. But it’s hard. I care about him. I had loved him at one point, but that’s gone. Too much has happened.
I’m on leave one Thursday and I’m in the ice cream aisle talking to a guy I went to school with, general chit chat about life. I say goodbye. As I turn, I walk towards the top of the aisle and I am literally stopped in my tracks. There, with his head in his phone, going about his day, is A. I can’t BREATHE. My heart is beating out of my chest. He looks incredible. He’s lost weight. He stands taller. His beard looks different. Fucking hell I can’t believe he is right there. In that moment, in 2 seconds I know 100% that my relationship has to end. P never made me feel, in all that time, how I felt seeing A for a split second. Oh fuck, what if he sees me?! I looked like a QUEEN the last time I saw him and right now I look like the distant cousin of Wurzel Gummidge.
Fuck. I have to hide. I am HIDING IN A SUPERMARKET. What. The. Hell.
I walk the other way. I have to get out of here now. I thought I was a sad, moping, about to be single 33 year old with a trolley full of ice cream, wine and haribo. He cannot see me like this. I get out of there faster than Bill Clinton withdrew out of Monica.
I’ve deleted all trace of A from my phone. It was the only way to survive. I had to forget my feelings while I was in a relationship. It was the right thing to do.
I end the relationship the next day. It’s never going to be what I want, not really. It’s the right choice. Not purely because of my supermarket encounter…. a fair few other reasons which I’ll expand on at some point. But, the A encounter didn’t exactly make the decision hard. It helped.
Of course, being a female, I have the detective skills that rival Poirot and after a night out, I think it’s a very good idea to hunt A out. I can’t remember his number for the life of me so I follow him on his social media at 4am when I’m drinking wine and singing ABBA. I clearly thought it was a great idea. Not so much when I woke up…..
Until my own social media goes and it’s A messaging me to ask how I am. Oh Jesus. Why did drunk me think this was smart?! I need to write notes to myself and leave them there I will look. They should tell me to turn my phone off after midnight.
It’s started again. The textationship. And my god, the sexual chemistry is hotter than ever. But there’s more….. I’m holding myself back slightly. I don’t reply as quickly. I leave him on the WhatsApp blue ticks. I seem to have the control. THIS IS NOT US. He always held the control. HE LIKES IT. I’ve never seen him more keen. He asks how I am, what’s been going on in my life. He’s asking questions. He’s never really done this (aside from when we first spoke). It unnerves me. He messages FIRST.
I absolutely realise how ridiculous this sounds but for him to be like this…. something has changed.
It dips in and out of solid conversation and ad hoc messages. I tell him if his interest is vested elsewhere, it’s fine. He assures me it isn’t. On numerous occasions.
It’s not long before I’m on my way to his house again. This time I make sure I look extra good. I feel amazing. I have black French knickers on and they sit on my arse cheeks so well. I know it looks like a peach. A juicy one. He’s going to enjoy these. My bra is black lace to match. the pattern is scalloped at the top of the cup and my boobs look soft and full and incredibly round. Even I’d fuck me.
As soon as I arrive, I’m in his bedroom faster than I can say “hello”.
I have a black blazer on over a soft vest and tight dark jeans. I remove my blazer and take off my jeans. I’m standing in my vest and knickers and he tells me to get into bed.
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. Oh lord. Those kisses. There’s nothing that compares.
He’s on top of me, kissing my neck. Running his hands over my vest and down to my knickers. I love his hands so much. They’re so soft.
He rubs his fingers slowly over my knickers, but I am throbbing and he knows it. I can feel that they’re damp and I predict his movements exactly. His lips move to me. He kisses, over the top of the lace. Nuzzles his face into me. I’m not even naked, I’m clothed and he can make me motionless with one movement. The ankle kisses start, but he moves off of the bed. What is he doing? This isn’t normal? I look up and he’s standing at the end of the bed with a tie in his hand. It’s navy blue. I’m intrigued. He walks up to where my head is and places the tie beside me. He lifts my vest over my head and tells me to lie back down. He lifts my head slightly and wraps the tie around my eyes. My world goes black. But I can smell him.
He tells me to put my arms above my head. Another tie…. it smarts a little because it’s so tight.
I’m tied and I’m blind. I have no idea what’s going on.
My senses are ALL over the shop. Heightened intensely. I know he’s near me. He hooks his arm underneath me and undoes my bra. Damn he’s so good at that. One flick and it’s loose. He removes it. Hurrah for strapless. God I feel so vulnerable. I wonder how I look, black knickers against milky white skin, long purple hair and pale pink lips, my tongue darting over them every so often because I want something, anything.
He releases my breasts from my bra and gently rubs his fingers over my nipples. It feels good. Really good. He pinches them and because I am concentrating only on the touches I feel it’s fucking intense.
He bites them. Oh A. You know just what to do. You just know.
I cry out. From nowhere his hand is over my mouth and he whispers in my ear “You need to be quiet like a good girl” WHAT IS THIS WITCHERY?! I love it. I make another sound, I want him to tell me off. I think I’ll get off on it. His hand is on my throat. “I told you to be quiet” and he kisses my lips and bites my bottom one. His hand is still on my throat. Oh my god. It’s getting a little hard to breathe. I can’t see anything and my hands are tied tight, I can’t get them out.
This is new. This is….. Amazing. He releases his hand and shifts downwards. I know this because I can feel his beard. His mouth lifts the rim of my knickers. He lets go and the elastic pings on my pubic bone. Enough already, get these fucking knickers off and get your tongue inside me immediately. I am ACHING for it.
It was nothing like this with P. So so far from this.
I’m jolted back to the here and now and he rips my knickers off. He’s become the Hulk. He literally rips them off, tugs the remainder of them from under me and drops the material on the floor.
Yes A. Do it. Do it now. Please. I don’t care if he wants me to be quiet, I can’t wait any longer. “Please lick me now. I need you right now”.
And with that, he pushes into me with his fingers and his tongue darts over my clit. The rhythm, oh that rhythm. The dance that his fingers do. It’s like his tongue is the conductor and his fingers form part of the strings section. They just work in harmony. It’s perfect. It’s intense. It’s BETTER. I can’t see anything. I can’t touch him. He doesn’t hold back. He gives me everything. I am helpless.
A strange feeling washes over me. Not the feeling that I feel usually. I need to wee. Oh shit, I need to wee. I can’t hold this. If he carries on I’m going to soak his face. I have to tell him. I can’t let that happen.
So I say it. I tell him to stop. He doesn’t want to. He tells me he wants me to cover his face.
With wee?!! Is this a thing?! Oh my god, his sheets, his face, I can’t fucking wee on him. I’ll never live it down!
He keeps going and I absolutely cannot hold it. He tells me not to hold back.
Carry on like that mate and you’ll find yourself being named as a new south eastern lake because I am going to wet this fucking bed and your face.
He’s insistent. He doesn’t want to me stop. Don’t hold back he says. Just let it happen.
And I think fuck it! I’ll let it happen.
It’s your funeral.
My body has been taken over, it’s convulsing. I am coming so damn hard that I cry out and all I can do is whimper. I’m broken. I can’t move.
He thanks me. He removes the tie from my eyes and I shed an actual tear. What the hell has just happened?! It made me cry. Is this normal?! He lies next to me and kisses my cheek. He tells me it was amazing and I can’t even talk. He pushes me gently towards the other side of the bed. I’m just looking at him. He undoes the tie holding my hands together. I curl up into a ball and put my hands under my face. I’m curled into him. I can’t move. I feel so spent. He kisses my head. I drift off into a light sleep.
The room lights up and wakes us both. It’s my phone. It’s about 2am. I don’t think anything of it. He asks me if I want to get it. I say no of course not. It lights up again. He tells me to answer it because it’s winding him up.
It’s a boy. It couldn’t be worse timing. To make it worse, it’s someone I haven’t spoken to for SO long booty calling me. Someone I’ve NEVER slept with so why is this happening?!
A is really annoyed. I try to defend myself but it’s pointless. He isn’t listening. He thinks I’m sleeping with someone else.
I knew I should’ve learnt to turn my phone off! We have a blazing row. It’s like 3am. He tells me to go.
I’m lost. I’ve just had the best orgasm of my life and now I’m being asked to leave?! What is happening?!!!
I’m hurt. I knew I had feelings for him and from how he’s behaving and things he’s saying I think he has feelings for me too. How did it get to this?
I leave. I cry as I walk to the car. I don’t understand.
He asks if I get home safe. I read it but am too upset to reply.
I fall straight to sleep. Tonight has been so surreal. It was perfect. And then some boy, who I have never had any kind of interaction with messages me and now this is all a big mess.
I’m so angry. At the message. At how A has behaved. I re-read all our messages when I wake up. I just know there’s something there this time. It’s different. It’s not like it was before.
I still haven’t replied to his message about me getting home. I wait until after the London Marathon finishes.
I’m ready to talk to him. I open my phone.
Is this really the end??